


4AM

by junheew



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, Jun is acting strange, Jun-centric, Light Angst, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 17:51:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15690378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junheew/pseuds/junheew
Summary: There’s a little knot growing in Yuchan’s tummy.He studies the rest.No one is looking at Junhee.Not actually looking.It is now Yuchan’s responsibility to fix this.But part of him knows he can’t do it all by himself.





	1. YUCHAN

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this can be read as poly!a.c.e, but it's primarily focused on platonic love.  
> OT5 is so important aaah.
> 
> enjoy!

Yuchan is bored. And when he’s stuck in a car with nothing to do his instincts tell him to bother someone, anyone. Bother, by his definition, means bully with love. Make fun of, but with good intentions. Because seeing his members' smile is important to him. And being away from them for so long makes it even more refreshing and meaningful.

It’s with energy running through his veins that he sits in the back of the car. Sandwiched between Byeongkwan and Sehyoon. Byeongkwan’s been asleep for a while now and Sehyoon got his earphones blocking him from the rest of the world. Donghun is naturally excluded because he’s driving. So Yuchan settles for the easiest pray: Park Junhee.

He leans forward, as far as his seat belt allows and studies his leader. Junhee seems tired. Quietly staring out of the window. Maybe it’s been too long, but Yuchan expected a more curious-looking Junhee, passionately photographing the pretty city views flashing by. The Junhee that plugs his phone in to play his favorite songs on low volume, so not to disturb potential sleeping people (read: Byeongkwan). Junhee who chuckles at something Donghun says, that Yuchan can’t hear, but he still appreciates it. Because their smiles plants a warm feeling in his stomach. The Junhee in front of him is silent. Distant. Yuchan pokes his cheek in an attempt to cheer him up. Junhee looks at him and gives him a gentle smile. Yuchan mirror him. The difference being, his smile is genuine. The kind where your eyes follow along.

Junhee’s stay motionless.

 

It doesn’t take long for Yuchan to notice. The way Junhee kind of just looms around. He figured it was fatigue, but as the days go by he can tell, Junhee’s not having bad days. It’s bad weeks. He wonder if anyone else has noticed? Or is it that they all have grown accustomed to it? Has Junhee gradually turned into this timid being and the rest just thought “this is how it always has been”? Where’s the dorky laugh that makes his voice crack half-way through? The one that turn his ears red and have him shaking his head in disbelief. All Yuchan gets nowadays are half-assed smiles that disappear as quickly as they appear.

Yuchan feels restless. Watching Junhee makes him itchy. Like he need to go for a run. Burn of that excess energy. But why? Everyone’s tired and it’s understandable. They have intense amount of work to do. New choreographies and vocal training. And they need to work out too. Everyone is walking around aimlessly in the dorm. But there’s more to Junhee. Like an extra layer of passiveness.

 

Yuchan’s eyes feel heavy. The light from the TV force his them closed again. He fell asleep watching a movie. Guess bad habits die hard. There are light touches shaking him. Only their leader’s hands could be that soft yet determined. He missed it.

“Channie… you have to go sleep in your bed.”

Junhee’s voice is soothing. Feather-light. A bit whiny, but coated with warmth.   
And Yuchan could fall back into dreamland if he just continued whispering like that. But instead he crack his eyes open. Junhee’s actions, lately, has alienated him a bit. At least that’s how Yuchan feels. Junhee look even more foreign in the dark and Yuchan is hit with a sudden feeling of fear. What if they lost Junhee? Maybe it’s like those conspiracy theories where people get replaced by clones. He has watched videos like those before, what if that was an actual thing?

”Junhee!”

Yuchan can’t even recognise his own voice. It’s small and shivering, as he grabs Junhee’s shoulders.

”What is the name of your dog?”

The look on his face can best be described as utter confusion.

”I have more than one, back home... If you’re asking about our latest addition. Umm... his name is Lion.”

Junhee scratches his neck.

”I know it’s a weird name... but no one in my family is good at names and he really look like one so...”

He chuckles and Yuchan is suspicious. He should ask something else.

”Jun- do you remember the last time we went out to eat, just the two of us?”

”Why are we having a quiz in the middle of the night? Of course I do. You were whining about the wasabi being too spicy. And I ended up paying for both of us. I’ll never forget that, neither will my wallet.”

Junhee laughs. Quietly, because he’s thoughtful. Making sure not to wake anyone up. Yuchan can now cross the conspiracy theory of his list. He's correct, the last time they ate together they had sushi. It was around the time when they were busy with The Unit He misses it now. Not crying on national TV, but he misses Junhee's genuine smiles. It was a happy time for them. Yuchan was overwhelmed, scared. He was going to leave his members and join another group, and part of him hated the idea. But seeing Junhee's proud smile was all he needed. He did it for them. For his members, his brothers. 

Junhee is still in there. Parts of him is seeping out when he laughs.

Yuchan checks his phone.

4AM.

“Why are you awake at this hour?”

There’s a moment of silence. Junhee’s eyebrows are furrowed.

“I just happened to wake up early. It’s nothing really.”

Yuchan never asked if there was something. And for a moment he wishes Junhee wasn’t that easy to see through. If only Yuchan was oblivious to the lies being thrown at him.  
No. Not even thrown.  
Gently laid out,  
so not to worry him.

 

Yuchan is happy to wake up in their dorm. He’s still lying on the couch. With a blanket over him. Typical Junhee, he thinks as he buries his face in the soft fabric. Inhaling the musky smell of the other man. Yuchan is finally back to stay for good. No more running back and forth. He’s more than ready to go back to being the youngest, little brat.

Donghun hadn’t even woken up clearly before he verbally assaulted Yuchan. Accusing him of not using the room he has for himself.

Donghun’s hair is a lot shorter than he’s used to, but he’s still the same person he was a year ago. Maybe less nervous. But still the ruthless, yet sappy oldest.

Sehyoon, too, is the same. Maybe a bit happier. But the few words he say still carry lots of importance.

And Byeongkwan. More confident. Still as fired up. Doesn’t cover his smile as often anymore.

And all these things tickle Yuchan's heart.

 

And then there’s Junhee. Junhee who grows cold as soon as the camera is turned off. Junhee who still makes them breakfast but without the wide smile that takes up 80% of his face. Junhee whose charm is his serious manners fighting his more awkward, silly side. Nowadays, he seems to be stuck in the serious mode.

There’s a little knot growing in Yuchan’s tummy. It started in the car ride and it has grown twice its size since then. He studies the others. Watching them go about their daily tasks. No one is looking at Junhee. Not actually looking. Not paying attention.

It is now Yuchan’s responsibility to fix this. But part of him knows he can’t do it all by himself.


	2. BYEONGKWAN

Everything seems to go smoothly nowadays. Yuchan is back. Choice keep growing. The members are healthy (to some degree at least). That’s what Byeongkwan thinks.

That is, until Yuchan burst into his room one evening. Tears streaming down his face. Byeongkwan is surprised to say the least. Don’t get him wrong. Everyone cries. It’s a natural reaction. But for someone whose default expression is a beaming smile, a crying face can look very foreign.

An awkward chuckle escape his lips as he embraces the other man in a hug. It isn’t that Byeongkwan finds it uncomfortable, it’s just that he never knows what to do with weeping people. His brain tend to panic… and the go-to plan is always to make everyone around him laugh. So he pats his back and ask him _what’s wrong_ , voice a bit teasing. Yuchan’s probably upset because Junhee forbid him to eat that chocolate bar. Or Sehyoon already ate it.

But it could also be something serious, so Byeongkwan drops the teasing tone. And listens. It’s been a while since he had someone younger than him asking for comfort. He realize just how long it’s been since he held Yuchan like this. The younger fights through his tears. Byeongkwan will forever be impressed by the passion he has. It’s nearly impossible to understand the choked out words that leave his mouth, but Byeongkwan tries. Suddenly Yuchan grows quiet. A couple of sobs the only thing that can be heard. All of a sudden he’s next to Byeongkwan’s ear, whispering.

“It’s Junhee. Something’s wrong. He’s not acting like his usual self.” 

“What?” Byeongkwan whisper back, but it comes out way louder than Yuchan (damn, why is it so hard to whisper?).

Yuchan rambles. It’s a long list of everything that’s off with their leader. A never ending list. Like the ones Byeongkwan used to make in kindergarden, where he listed his favorite things about his crushes. The difference is, this is Junhee (not that he hasn’t crushed on Junhee but anyways). And it’s a sad list. 

“We gotta do something.”

Yuchan’s eyes remind him of a puppy. And Byeongkwan’s heart hurts as he nods. A determined motion which carried way more confidence than his heart did. But how could he possibly decline his little brother.

  

It’s morning and all of them are eating the ramyun Junhee prepared. It’s silent aside from the slurping. Nothing unusual about that. They tend to not speak when they eat. Usually Byeongkwan finish quite fast but not today. Instead he studies his fellow members.

Sehyoon and Donghun tap away at their phones as always. Byeongkwan would too, if it wasn’t for the worried looks given to him by the youngest. Byeongkwan shift his focus over to Junhee, who’s staring into the void. He look like a turned off computer. He doesn’t know a better way to put it, but that’s what he reminds him of. Mechanically chewing the noodles. He tries to remember how it was before. Junhee would most likely stare at his phone like everyone else. He would write little notes on there. Thoughts, ideas… words to share with them and Choice. He would show off pictures of his dogs that his dad sent him. And he’d tell them about a song he discovered last night while he couldn’t sleep. When exactly did all this stop? Was it only Yuchan that realized it?

Byeongkwan sends telepathic messages to Sehyoon in front of him. If he stare at him long enough he’ll notice. Which he does. Eventually, Sehyoon looks up. Brown, gentle eyes. Today they seem extra nice. They’re the same eyes he’s always watched. Not like Yuchan’s anxious ones or Junhee’s blank stare. Is he the only one who’s still the same? Byeongkwan shifts his eyes to their leader, as to avert the attention to him. Sehyoon is now watching him too. Donghun and Junhee is oblivious to all the staring. When Byeongkwan locks eyes with Sehyoon again, he can’t read them. He expected the little smile of his, that tells him _it’ll be alright._ But Sehyoon seems clueless.  
  
And Byeongkwan can feel his heart drop.

 

When Byeongkwan wakes up, it’s still dark outside. He nuzzles one of the many plushies in his bed. It’s dark outside, so it must be early in the morning. Before going back to sleep he peeks at Junhee, who…

isn’t there.

Byeongkwan’s heart rate picks up. Is he okay? What is he doing at this hour? Normally Byeongkwan didn’t stress over things like that, but after what Yuchan told him about the nightly walking he’s more concerned. Trying to figure out what to do, he scrambles to his feet. He looks around the dorm, but he can’t find him. He’s not snuggling the youngest or sharing bed with Sehyoon. No. He must’ve gone out. Byeongkwan checks the time.

4AM.

It’s not that weird of a time, if it wasn’t for the fact that they have a mini vacation. And Junhee loves sleeping. And it’s winter, which means Seoul is an icy hell on earth. Byeongkwan is about to call him when there’s sounds coming from outside the apartment. Soon the front door opens and Junhee enters, looking like a strawberry. Red like one, at least.

“Jun-ah, what are you doing, it’s 4AM and you’re running around on the streets?”

Junhee resembles a deer in headlights as he strips his jacket off. He fumbles with the keys and avoid eye contact. It’s very unlike Junhee. Byeongkwan doesn’t like it at all.

“Is… everything okay?”

Byeongkwan mentally face palm at his own question. It’s a vague way of showing his concerns, he knows that. It makes it easy for Junhee to answer:

“Of course, Byeongkwan, I just… like to take a stroll sometimes and… um… watch the stars.”

Why is it so hard to speak, suddenly? So hard to reach out. Byeongkwan remains silent as Junhee walks toward their shared space. He disappears behind the door and Byeongkwan is left standing alone.

When silence settles back in the dorm, Byeongkwan notice the way he’s shaking. Just a bit.

Maybe it’s because of the icy winter, or the cold Junhee,

all Byeongkwan knows,

is that something is wrong

and that you can’t see the stars in Seoul’s polluted sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me *lovingly watching junkwan*: anD THEY WERE ROOMMATES


	3. SEHYOON

Sehyoon adores the way Junhee’s shoulders slope down. He likes watching him. Even if he’s doing the most casual things, there’s a soft touch to it when Junhee is the one doing it. Precise and gentle. Making everyone around him feel warm and welcomed. And his words are always (well… most of the time) carefully chosen, making him reliable, but also powerful. It was almost as if Sehyoon envied him. Just a little bit. But more than that, he loved basking in their leader’s presence himself.

Lately he haven’t had the time to just watch Junhee though. It’s been hectic, preparing for comeback. So when the two youngest members give him lost looks he isn’t surprised. Not over the fact that he totally missed the lack of energy from Junhee.

Sehyoon feel bad. For not noticing earlier. Sometimes he forget Junhee is the younger one of them. He tend to behave rather mature and toned down, especially lately. So focused on doing his best. As he is their leader it’s easy to fall into the habit of relying too much on him. Letting him order them around because he knows what to do. Sehyoon have to remind himself that Junhee is still a human being, a very jittery one too.

Sehyoon spends some time figuring out the best way to make him feel better. He could try and talk to him, but thinking about it makes him weirdly nervous. In the end he settles for a more physical approach.

Throughout the day he tries reaching out to Junhee. Turns out it's harder than he thought. Junhee keeps avoiding him. Always excusing himself as he goes for a walk, takes a shower and even going to the gym. While they have free time? He gives up.

Until they end up next to each other in the bathroom. And Sehyoon let his hand run across the small of Junhee’s back while they brush their teeth. His eyes are closed, a shy smile playing at the corner of his mouth. To Sehyoon it looks a tad bit sad. To be honest. He wants to ask Junhee if there’s something bothering him. But Sehyoon doesn’t really know what to say.

_What would Junhee do?_

He would…

  
Sehyoon drops his toothbrush to grab the other man’s face. His hands pressing Junhee’s cheeks together. It feels clumsy and a bit embarrassing. And his ears are turning red by the second. Then Sehyoon buries his forehead in Junhee’s soft locks. Rubbing, from one side to another. Junhee does this a lot, but it’s a lot smoother when he does it. All Sehyoon does is letting out an embarrassed giggle. He taught it might help, and maybe it did, just a bit.

“What are you doing?” Junhee snorts, even more red than before.

Hiding beneath his hands, he makes a whiny noise. His shoulders are sloping more than usually and Sehyoon feels a bit out of place. He’s never felt that way next to Junhee.

Maybe in the beginning, but it didn’t take long for him to grow fond of the other man. Sehyoon likes to be sure of the people around him, taking his time to get to know them before letting them closer. But it was easy with Junhee. Because he let Sehyoon set the pace. He never stressed their relationship, like others did (read: Byeongkwan).

Not that he doesn’t love Byeongkwan just as much. It’s just that it’s different. Junhee pays attention to details, he observes before taking action. Byeongkwan just runs straight forward with an energy that many times gets a bit too intense. It has its own charm and perks, of course. Really, what would he do without the blunt affection of Kim Byeongkwan? Sehyoon doesn’t know the answer and he hopes he never have to.

What he’s trying to say is, that the people around him are so different, yet they’ve all crawled into his heart.

Sehyoon is thankful for the calm nature of Junhee. He wonders how he should deal with it, how he should reach out. He can’t help but think Junhee should decide the pace. It’s him it’s all about, and Sehyoon respect his right to privacy, he’s not a nosy person.

But Junhee’s still hurting and Sehyoon wants to help, more than anything. 

 

The four days off, given by the company, is a relief for all of them. They fall into old lazy patterns. Yuchan is comfortably sinking into the couch, watching TV. The rest share tired smiles before scattering to their rooms. Sehyoon too. He exchange some meaningless words with his roommate, Donghun, before putting his earphones in.

Time to disappear for a bit, clear his mind from the stress. The thing is, his mind is clouded with Junhee instead. He wonders if Donghun has noticed too. Maybe he should ask him. Donghun would probably be the most upfront with Junhee. But he could also be a bit too blunt, not noticing when he steps over the line. Junhee can be quite fragile, even more so right now.

“I made some food, come eat with the rest.”

The gentle voice wake him up. Sehyoon fell asleep. His earphones are tangled and he feels weird. Falling asleep in the middle of the day with his clothes on always leave him feeling like he’s in a dream even though he’s awake. But the smell of Junhee’s cooking clears his mind a bit. It smells amazing.

And Junhee is the one waking him up, cooking for him. Sehyoon feels embarrassed. He should be the one taking care of his dongsaeng. Or at least help him, but here he is. Sleeping like some lazy kid. When he reach the kitchen they’re all sitting by the table

“You really didn’t have to do this.” Yuchan’s eyes are are sparkling, he looks genuinely happy, chop sticks ready to dig in.

“Why didn’t you just order take-out?” Donghun scolds him, but there’s an obvious excitement lingering in his voice.

Junhee shakes his head. He’s smiling, but doesn’t say anything. The other does, though. They praise Junhee’s cooking and Yuchan is just overly excited because it’s his favorite meal. Crushed ramyun with kimchi, rice and ham. All thrown together into a nice stew. They grow quiet again and Sehyoon enjoys the taste. Junhee always prepare such wonderful food.

Byeongkwan suddenly break the silence. 

“Hey… at least you can make decent food, it almost make up for your non-existent rap skills.”

Giggles erupts from Yuchan and Donghun. Sehyoon smiles a bit, thinking about Junhee’s rapping. It’s endearing, how he tries. Junhee just looks at them, unreadable expression.

“Or your voice cracks.” Yuchan snickers. 

Sehyoon waits for the trademark smile of Junhee’s, the rolling of his eyes, and the look of shock when he defends himself. But it doesn’t happen, not a muscle moving. 

“Nah, the stew is good but it won’t help him hit his high notes.” Donghun says and the youngest laugh wholeheartedly. 

Junhee bite his lip, finally smiling. He excuses himself as he leave his bowl on the table, heading towards the bathroom. Closing softly behind him. The other wait in silence, until they hear the shower running.

“Great, now you made him angry.” Byeongkwan mutters.

“ _I_ did? _You_ were the one who started it.” Donghun sounds childish as he defends himself.

“Junhee usually likes it when we mess with him, doesn’t he? Maybe he just wanted to shower, he’s tired, you know? Like all of us. He’s not mad.” Yuchan says, shifting where he sits. A nervous, naive boy that just wishes for the best.

Sehyoon wish he couldn’t sense the awkward tension lingering in the air.

The four of them look at each other. There’s something wrong. Something missing.

 

Junhee doesn’t sing at the top of his lungs while showering,

the way he usually does,

and Sehyoon finally gets it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk why this chapter took so long to write??? anywaYS sehyoon is onto something!!


	4. DONGHUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> donghun is finally here to sort things out...  
> or is he?

Donghun watches as Junhee do the dishes. It’s the second day of their little vacation and he’s been cleaning the whole day. It’s not that Donghun doesn’t like the idea of someone tidying up. It’s just that Junhee look like a maniac the way he’s flying around, doing hundreds of things all at once. Normally he’d cling to the member closest to him, begging them to do the work for him. Using the fact that he paid for the food as a reason for him to skip it. _A fair reasoning,_ Donghun thinks. Unless _he_ happens to be the targeted member.

He might look like an independent man, but these years together has taught Donghun a thing or two about the nature of Park Junhee. This person might seem like someone who got his life under control, but underneath the perfectly folded sleeves and the bright grin there’s a nervous mess. Fidgety, air-headed and way too good at spacing out.

At first Donghun was a bit worried. Could such a person really be the leader? The kid who listens to birds chirping at night, and who mumbles half-asleep nonesense. But he knows better now. It couldn’t be anyone else. Junhee is the middle, the center. Balanced and perfect as their leader. He’s like a bridge between all of them. Yeah… a bridge, which got some cracks currently. That’s why they have to repair it. Or else…

“Are we having guests over, or?”

Junhee jump at the sudden question. Did he really not notice Donghun? He’d been watching his back for a long time now.

“N-no. I just- Yuchan always have to clean up after me and-”

“ _Us_ … Junhee. Cleaning up after us. Not just you.” Donghun corrects.

“And I appreciate you doing this, but I mean- We got time off, please relax, will you?”

Junhee smile apologetically. To Donghun he look like a child who’s been scolded. A kid… who’s trying his best to impress. Who’s afraid. Waiting for their parents to scream at them. Donghun takes in the man in front of him. It’s peculiar to see Junhee like this. Not the awkward staring, that’s a common behavior. But… there’s a tiny amount of fear in those eyes. Donghun can sense it. And it saddens him.  
  
Why is Junhee scared? Of him? They’ve known each other for years. Is there really a need to be scared of Donghun?

“Hey… there’s something bothering you, right?”

Junhee stares at him and blinks three times before turning back to the dirty dishes in the sink. Silence. Always silence nowadays. Donghun can feel the anger creeping up on him. He doesn’t want to lash out on Junhee, but there are some things you just have to be able to do as an adult. One of them is talking. And right now Junhee is acting like a kid who won’t admit what’s wrong.

It’s funny how he always seems to know what to say when there’s a camera in front of him. But in privacy he turns timid.

Anyways, if Donghun doesn’t push further no one else will. That, he is sure of. Byeongkwan and Yuchan is way too scared. Junhee’s older after all. And Sehyoon is probably way too careful… _and_ scared to do it.

Donghun is good at confronting people, getting to the point and sort things out. He’s blunt and take great pride in it. He’s not afraid to ask difficult questions.  
  
“Junhee, you have to-”

Even though he started off strongly, his voice slowly died down. Donghun is shocked at the way his voice sounded. Fragile. The power just drained. And suddenly the sad figure in front of him seem more relatable than ever. All he want is for Junhee to turn around and smile at him. For him to act cute and try and get away with his childish behavior. And Donghun letting his frustration die as Junhee tugs at his shirt, whining.

But there are no lame nicknames or exaggerated compliments. Just a silent Junhee doing the dishes. So Donghun is lost. Unsure what to do. No way is he actually going to get angry. There’s no need to. Because Donghun just realized how selfish he is. Thinking Junhee is the one who should cheer him up and tell him everything’s alright.

Because it’s what Junhee does. He is the one brushing his fingers through their hair, telling them how good they were on stage. Making sure no one is beating themselves up over some mistake. Paying for food and smiling as they all eat, reminding them of how much they deserve it.

But now it’s Donghun who should reach out. He’s right there. A few steps away. Then why is he frozen? He should push further and really ask him what it is that bothers him.

But he can’t.

Donghun is way too scared.

 

Donghun finds himself avoiding Junhee for the rest of the day. Not because he’s an ass. He’s just trying to figure out a solution. And he doesn’t want to ruin it by panicking in front of the other man. He could end up blurting out something weird and make things worse.

As the night arrives, Donghun is approached by the rest of the boys, worried expressions plastered on each face. He had a feeling he already knew the reason behind them. It almost look like they’ve gathered to plan a birthday party or something, all four of them sitting in the living room. But in reality it’s an emergency meeting. Voices low, even though Junhee isn’t there. 

“It’s my fault. I keep making mistakes during practice and Junhee craves perfection and- I don’t know… I’ve been so restless lately, like- maybe I’m just so excited and jittery because I’m back with all of you-”

Yuchan got his arms wrapped around his legs, rocking back and forth.

“It is _not_ your fault, Yuchan.”

Donghun hates seeing Yuchan like this. Making himself as small as possible.

“Maybe something happened? Is his family okay?” Byeongkwan tries.

His expression is serious, but Donghun can tell he’s just as nervous as Yuchan. Well, aren’t they all?

Family issues? Maybe. But Junhee would probably tell them if that was the case. Donghun is pretty sure he would.

“I think I know-” Sehyoon is cut off by a panicked Yuchan staring at his phone.

“Hey, Junhee’s been out for almost two hours now and it’s soon 4AM! What is he doing out there?”

“Maybe he’s part of some cult… or doing some illegal stuff?”

Donghun is unsure if Byeongkwan is joking or not, but nonetheless it seems to make Yuchan even more anxious.

“Okay, calm down… please. I’ll go look for him.”

 

Donghun grabs his jacket, check for his keys and put on his shoes. He rushes down the steps and his heart is beating at an alarming rate. Why is he so nervous?

It’s only when the cold air hits his face that he realize,

Sehyoon didn’t get to say whatever his guess was

and there were four jackets left when he grabbed his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long to update, I've been moving and uni is approaching dhsjds help...  
> but I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> guess who's pov next chapter is ;)


	5. JUNHEE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i changed the rating cuz idk how to actually rate my fics but yeah  
> i guess strong language give me a reason to lmao

Junhee isn’t stupid. He can sense the shift in the atmosphere. The eyes that are watching him. And it stresses him out. This was meant to go unnoticed. His feelings were supposed to die, peacefully in some dark alley. He knows it’s bad, stupid and even cowardly of him to act this way. As if everything is fine, while it isn’t. But right now, isn’t the most ideal time to have a break down.

But feelings eat away at you. And it becomes harder and harder to hide them.

It’s 4 AM and the streets are empty. A chuckle escape his lips. He must’ve panicked real hard to leave the dorm without a jacket. But he really needed to get out of there. He could handle lying to the rest, but Donghun . Eventually, Junhee will have to share his concerns, but he have to sort it out by himself first. So that’s why he’s wandering outside right now. All the time.

 

Junhee is embarrassed. Never was he planning on things to get this far. He was supposed to talk about it. But now it’s been going on for so long and the boys are worried. It’s such a ridiculous thing, he’s scared of telling them. Scared of them laughing at him. A shiver runs through him.

It’s a weird hour to be awake at, it’s almost as if he’s the only one not sleeping soundly. But he knows one more person who is. And the name on his phone screen looks a bit out of place as he dials it. It shouldn’t, yet it makes him nervous, listening to the beeps trying their best to connect.

“Hello.” A sturdy voice greets him and a pang of regret hits his stomach.

“Hi… father.”  
  
“Why are you calling this late? Are you practicing?”

Suddenly Junhee can’t form any sounds. He called him to ask for help, he knows his dad works early at the restaurant back home. It’s almost a bit bizarre to think that it’s night for Junhee while it’s morning for his father. Even if it’s still 4AM for both of them. And he really want to go home right now. But he can’t. They only have two days left of their vacation and it would only stress him out even more. So he decided a call had to do. Hearing hid dad’s voice felt foreign.

“I wanna come home.” Junhee’s words are barely there.

“I’m tired, I miss you. Everyone. And… I-”

He didn’t know what he was about to say, but it felt wrong.

“Son, is everything alright?”

Alright, alright, alright. Everything is okay. Fine. Perfect. Please stop asking. Junhee doesn’t know the answers, but he should know them. He should always know everything. Or else, he’s not enough, not worthy. He just wants to sleep. Forget, just for a moment.

But going back to the dorm keep reminding him of everything that stresses him out.

“Maybe this isn’t for you.”

That didn’t take long, did it? The voice on the phone was cold. He had a feeling this would happen. No, no, no. _Please don’t, father._

“Are you sure this is your calling? You know you could come back here and help with the restaurant. Maybe you’re more suited for that. As the only son, I was hoping you’d take over one day, you know. And I- we are still waiting for you to come back.”

His father’s voice is starting to sound like some strange language that Junhee can’t understand. And suddenly he feel like throwing up. _He’s guilt tripping you._ _Don’t take it to heart, Junhee. You always do that._ He always does. Making it sound like Junhee was the one leaving his family behind in some selfish way. As if he broke a promise he’d never made.

“Thanks, father. But I- I’m sure this is what I want.”

The words taste bad in his mouth, but it’s better than giving him false hope. Junhee fought a lot to convince his dad that this was what he was meant to do. Music, that is. And walking down the cold Seoul streets was just something he had to deal with along those dreams.

After asking about the rest of the family and telling them how much he loves them, Junhee hangs up. Suddenly, it’s quiet again. The cold slowly making itself present again. He must’ve forgotten about it while speaking to his father.

He decides to turn around and head back to the dorm. If he’s quiet he won’t wake them up. That’s what he thought before he notice another person walking- no, _running_ towards him. There’s a moment of panic before he realize who it is.

 

Donghun… wearing his pajama with a jacket over and a beanie covering his red ears. _Why is he_ _-_

Junhee gets no time to finish his internal monologue as Donghun wraps his arms around him. Hand finding its way through his locks and pressing him to his shoulder.

“Why are you so fucking stupid?”

His voice is shaking. Not quite the effect he was going for, Junhee figures.

“You’re so dumb… running around under dressed in the middle of a winter night, it’s like you’re asking to die, you’re so stupid, do you know that? I don’t get you sometimes. Don’t you know this is one of our coldest winters so far? Look at you, you’re shaking like crazy. I-”

Donghun’s rambling stops the second the first sobs can be heard.

Junhee hates crying. The burning sensation in his nose. Words drowning and snot everywhere. He hates it, yet he can’t stop. There’s something about the cold wind that seems to be mocking him, his father’s words still echoing in his mind, as if they’re trying to alienate him.

There’s something about Donghun’s untied shoe laces, and the fact that he ran this far, looking for him. And the way he’s embracing him, pressing some hidden button that instantly force tears out of his eyes.

Junhee feel like a child. A child, whose big brother is angry at him. Yet still, protecting him from something ridiculous, like an imaginary monster lurking under his bed.

Donghun wipes away Junhee’s tears.

“We should talk… about _this_. With everyone…“

There’s a sigh.

“We care, Junhee. We really do care. And we need to apologize for- for not realizing sooner… that you’re hurting and we’re stupid.”

Maybe it’s the warmth of Donghun’s skin against his, or the gentle voice nestling its way past the wall around his heart. Junhee’s not sure which one it is, but he nods. And he lets Donghun put his jacket over him, and he doesn’t resist when he grabs his hand.

 

Donghun is texting someone as they walk back.

Junhee can’t see well because of the low screen light.

But it’s okay. Because watching Donghun makes him forget

the lurking monster.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i turned junhee's dad into a bad guy im so sorry mr. park sadbas jdak  
> anyways thank you for your kudos and comments. i love you!!  
> i feel like next chapter will be the last??? don't fear kids uwu


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